yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
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