so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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