Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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