Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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