We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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