i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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