Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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