i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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