Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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