No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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