either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize