Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize