She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize