party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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