As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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