Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im holly from the hills drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize