I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize