thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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