he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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