Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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