Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
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it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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