and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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