I got chris browned last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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