You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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