She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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