i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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