Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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