i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize