You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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