I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize