so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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