So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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