So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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