we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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