After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
last night I used snow as a chaser
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize