i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize