if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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