Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize