Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize