Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize