My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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