I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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