What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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