she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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