The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize