I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize