If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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