Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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