I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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