May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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